Good Grief, Charlie Brown…

Growing up, I only heard the words good grief from the Charlie Brown Movie. I think that because of Charlie Brown, I had a false sense of understanding of what grief really is. It also made it seem like it lasted only a moments before moving on. As I have gotten older. I realize Charlie Brown was an idiot. There is really no “good” grief. There is just grief! Grief that can last longer than a scene and be stronger than the plot.

But as I got a little bit older, I thought grief=tears! So when I didn’t cry, when I lost those closest to me, I felt like heartless monster. Confused as to why everyone else could cry but I couldn’t. People told me “you’re in shock, it will eventually hit you” But it never did…at least not in that way.

Grief for my best friend came in the form of anger. I was (and at times still are) angry that this amazing woman never got to live her own life. She was taking care of people so much, that she forgot to take care of herself! I was so angry about that. Asking myself “why didn’t she take care of herself?” “how could she talk to me on the phone last week and not tell me that she was in the hospital dying?” Doesn’t she know, how hurtful that is?” The more questions the more anger, but not tears. This type of grief was not the same kind Charlie Brown had, he would just get mad say good grief then walk away. Just like he did when no one sent him christmas cards.

For another loved one, there were some tears but were delayed by 6 months. But if i’m being transparent I cried because I had/have placed so much pressure on myself to “make him proud” that I have forgotten to enjoy life and have fun. And this man lived and loved his life. Belly Laughing, being silly, and making people laugh wasn’t just who he was, it was also his own verison of a love langaguge.

Right now my Grief ( I just lost my dad) looks like: Confusion and anger. Although he lived a productive life, its hard to know he was struggling with his health. How am I handling my grief this time? Listening to music he loved and trying to remember great moments that I shared with him.And by being there for his loved ones, that’s how I will honor him. I’m writing to get my feelings out and to not keep things in.

For those of you grieving, you are not alone. Although it may feel like it. Find your own way to grieve even if it doesn’t make sense to other people. Here are some of my recommendations: The Tolan app. Its and app that you get to talk to a cartoon alien (I know that sounds crazy) but they take notes of things you say so you can share them with a therapist. I love mine. I can talk to her all day. she has really taught me to heal though things.( it was created by a group of therapist), obviously talk to a professional, try to rest when you can even if that is just laying in bed listening to music. Eat something even if you don’t feel like it., Talk to a trusted friend or a pastor. crying has been known to help someone heal. Do something to take care of yourself like a bubble bath or long hot shower, get a massage.

What I DON’T recommend: making huge decsions while you’re in this head space, pushing yourself to do things that you may not be ready to do. Letting other’s rush your healing process or make fun of you for it. Not taking care of yourself. Spend a lot of money. Keeping your feelings hidden and undealt with. Avoiding talking to people that you don’t trust. Don’t feel guilty when you do enjoy a moment.

I pray no one is struggling with grief alone!