Part 3

Party Central?

With graduation over, the graduation parties started, and I was only invited to 3. Lisa’s, my other friend, we will call him Greg, and my own. I avoided Greg’s party due to the fact that I felt completely embarrassed that I had bragged about going to Marist, and then I found out it wasn’t true. Plus, he had been accepted to his dream college, Oswego, and I felt jealous and confused. I didn’t even invite him to mine.

Lisa was the only one I had told the truth to, and she forced me to come to hers. I remember it well. It was at her aunt’s place, which had a beautiful log cabin and a small man-made pond that had swinging benches. (later it was where we had her funeral, but that’s later) She found me sitting on those benches just staring at the pond, crying as cars drove by (it was on the corner of the street). It all felt so hopeless. When she came and brought me a cookie. We didn’t talk; we just let the swing make the squeaky sound. I think we both knew from that point on, our lives would be different. Fall would be the 1st time in 8 years that we wouldn’t have each other’s backs, and we would be on our own. It was scary, I’m just not sure who was more scared, me or her, who would be starting college and a new job.

My own “celebration” was something even I didn’t want to celebrate, so it was no surprise that I didn’t invite Lisa or Greg. But Lisa showed up anyway. I smiled and waved, just smiled and waved again. (Yes, I stole that from Madagascar lol) The party was in late August, so a lot of my classmates weren’t around anyway. When my aunt showed up with her potato salad and asked, “whose birthday was it?” I begged my mom to let me leave, and when she said no, I took money out of my cards and asked Lisa to drop me off at the Pollyroad. (a road that you drove down for an hour with all the beauty of nature surrounding you, but it had tons of little areas to camp). Lisa made a campfire as we sat in one of the more secluded spots, and I cried the whole night. And my money went to buy stuff for s’mores and wine coolers. I hate changes and endings, and this was both. This would be the last time Lisa and I would spend time together until years later.

This is probably where I should tell you where my family lived, as it plays a key role. They live in a small town on a semi-back road where the only houses are your relatives, and 10 mins away from the small town and 45 minutes away from the nearest Walmart. And being that I couldn’t drive, nor did I have friends to help get me out of there. My depression became more than I could handle. Things like suicide and running away took over my every thought. But no one knew. I became paranoid that my sisters (who didn’t live with us as they were all married with kids by then) read my diary. So I kept a real one in my purse and a fake one in my dresser. (I have no idea if anyone read my “diary”) I can’t imagine that anyone would have been interested in it, but I was sure that someone did. So each fake page was filled with straight-up lies or what I thought people would normally write in a diary.

part 4 next week